Market NewsCommentBest Practice Principles

Best Practice Principles

By Charles Wyndham.

Following the overwhelming demand to know what are the ‘best’ Best Practice Principles, we have thought it helpful to provide a definitive list:

Anyone buying diamonds must be over 16 years old.

No officer of the company must have any parking convictions within the previous 10 years and any convictions must be immediately posted on the company’s website.

No company’s carbon footprint must be over size 10.

No officer of the company may have any Angolan entry or worse exit stamps in their passport (you will see under FAQs that officers are of course allowed more than one passport).

No officer of the company may have made any donations to any British political party in the last 10 years or longer.

No officer of the company who has achieved the dubious distinction of acquiring a British ‘gong’ is acceptable, unless giving proof of payment.

Every company must have a minimum of 21 offshore bank accounts.

The company must be incorporated in Luxembourg.

No company’s factory must have more than one worker, which must be verified by Kroll.

All officers of the company must only speak one language… English.

No company freely doing business in America is acceptable.

Only companies that have settled a tax case in the last 10 years are acceptable.

Companies must prove legal expenses of at least $1 million per annum for the last 10 years.

All officers of companies must share their birthday parties.

All companies who meet all these criteria must produce proof of employment and qualifications of an in house psychoanalysist.

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